urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupcake_freak cupcake_freak cupcake_freak 2008-03-22T04:33:02Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupcake_freak:3472 2008-03-22T04:33:02Z 2008-03-22T04:33:02Z Today is shit as.<br />I'm home, bored.<br />I rarely ever have nothing to do.<br />I'll probably end up wathing the oc or aressted development. I know, I lead an interesting life.<br />I'm trying to shrink my stomach.<br />I'm failing.<br />I have a 4 day weekend and I'm doing shit all with it.<br />I hope my grandma gives me money. She gave me 800 dollars last year. I doubt she will this year though but a girl can dream :)<br />I want boots, nailpolish, dr martens maybe and a lot of other things.<br />I ate meat on easter friday coz I forgot, I felt bad when I finaly remembered. But I did try make up for it by eating fish for dinner.<br />I want a new icon for my lj but kel won't get off the main comp so I can go look for one.<br />I'm getting a haircut next weekend I've decided. Hope it ends up looking nice<br />I'm still so geed for america :)<br />I learnt last night that you can get aur forcee uns for like 40 bucks american which is like 43 dollars australian. Geed. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupcake_freak:3083 2008-03-21T01:36:29Z 2008-03-21T01:36:29Z FUCK YEA! ME AND GAB ARE GOING TO AMERICA! <br />Everythings good atm<br />I'm happy<br />I got full marks for my speech<br />The only bad thing is that I finished my books and I want to read more. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupcake_freak:3017 2008-03-05T10:59:12Z 2008-03-05T10:59:12Z I love the teeniest things in life that can make me happy. The smallest thing can just brighten up my day.<br />In the last 2 days that thought or thing is Edward Cullen! <br />Yes I know he's fictional<br />Yes I know he's just a character in a book<br />Yes I know I'm dillusional<br />I KNOW he will never be real and I think that's really want I want<br />I don't want someone that's real because real people have emotions. Duh.<br />What I'm writing probably makes no sense to anyone but myself.<br />hmm I want something or someone should I say that's perfect<br />I know its not possible. So I guess I will live all alone for the rest of my life or I will settle with people less then perfect, ordinay.<br />My expectations are too high. I think that's how I was raised- not to sound conceited because that is certainly not my aim- but since I was young I was always that one that people would say oh your so pretty you should be a model. This is like since I was 5 and I dunno I just think that's what caused me to want perfection in others.<br />You know what's weird though. None of my friends are even slightly perfect which makes them perfect for me. Its funny really. I love them all to death and to me they are perfect! Which makes we wonder why this perfectionism is only in boys. <br />I think I want greater then the men that I have had previously in my life/ my day for example - who I love unconditionally- is certainly not the epitome of an angel. He is rash, abusive at times and can't control his anger. This goes for all the significant male figures in my life. <br />I think I want something better for myself.<br />Also even if I like a guy. Which is a rare occassion in itself... I don't think I would ever date them if they asked me out.. Its odd. I'm a very private person compared to what people see on the outside.<br />I worry about everything. And I mean everything.<br />But yes, the obsession with edward cullen I suspect will last for a year to the max... or until the 5th book comes out.<br />Till another time.<br />Mrs. Drew cullen x urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupcake_freak:2740 2008-01-14T04:09:48Z 2008-01-14T04:09:48Z Right now I'm sitting out the tfront of terminal 2 of the sydney airport. My brother and sister are arguing. They seriously don't stop. I just want them to shut the fuck up for like a day. They argue about ANYTHING. <br />Anyways ciao. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupcake_freak:2316 2008-01-08T13:44:30Z 2008-01-08T13:44:30Z Wow a whole 15 weeks without an entry. Ive been on a bit of a hiatus. So much has gone on in those 15 weeks. Friendships have altered, feelings have changed, I've had new news (tortology much?) and its a new year!<br /><br />I have changed alot emotionally; I really don't care anymore if people talk about me, I'm over bitching, I no longer want retribution for when I've been wronged if I know that I'm truely right, well, that's all I need, I've started to stop caring what people think of me although I'm haven't completely stopped I'm getting over it.<br /><br />Although I'm not going to account for the past 15 weeks as it would take too much time and effort and be such a waste dwelling on the past I just felt like writing something. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupcake_freak:1792 2007-09-20T08:34:14Z 2007-09-20T08:34:14Z I found out things about people in my family that I don't think I wanted to know yesterday.<br />Yes, my family is disfunctional and yes, it doesn't work on so many levels yet when people such as my friends talk about how fucked up my family is like they know it so well or something it really gets to me. They don't know what we've all been through. They don't see us at our best and our worse constantly. They just see us when we have company, they see our petty arguments, our hugs and our aggravated attempts at hurting each other. They don't see us being normal, trust me, as hard it may be to imagine, we are normal alot of the time. Some of my friends make stupid comments about my family to other people and they don't even understand what they're saying... It hurts me to think that my friends think of us like that. And I know for a fact that most of my friends love my mum to bits but that doesn't give them the right to talk about her as much as they please, to make jokes about her, even if they think its all in the name of fun, well its not, Its not fun or funny at all. Although I know they're only saying it because they think my mum would be comfortable with them saying it but they have no idea. They think because they see her every now and again they know how she thinks because they think she is such an open person but really she's not that open, they don't know half of it.<br /><br />BTW GABBY IF YOU READ THIS ITS NOT DIRECTED AT YOU. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupcake_freak:1710 2007-09-17T11:39:58Z 2007-09-17T11:39:58Z Well lets start from last night shall we....<br />I cried myself to sleep after an arguement which rsulted in name calling. I was so over everythngi yesterday and didnt want to face my families recurring issues so I just kinda broke down and cried a bit.<br />Today I went to centerpoint tower for`a commrce excursion. Talked to rive riv. Had a all round good day. My friends are funner and funnier then I previously thought.<br />laterz lads. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupcake_freak:1332 2007-09-16T08:45:50Z 2007-09-16T08:45:50Z This weekend was good. Hurried and frantic, but good.<br />On Friday I went to H to the S and had an alright time. Met some new people. Friday was pretty surreal to me. I felt out of place. I always do on friday. I feel like Im trying to fit in with those hillsong people even though I dont really want to. Im sick of feeling like an outcast though. none of the people there see me how I normally am. Not even my close friends do. Im gaurded and I want that to change but I dont think it will. I think Im trying to change it by making new friends there but Im making those friendships on the basis of a false identity kinda like I dont say things like I normally would, Im constantly holding my tounge and what not.<br />On Saturday I woke up and organised to go to get a chicken roll with my mum and go get chasers war on everything the first season. Before we left Afri called and asked if I wanted to go to bondi with her and her mum and I asked my mum she agreed but grudgingly. I feel sorry for my mum. Her life is the couch and it makes me so sad. I love her so much but due to stupid arguements and things like that she doesnt really see it. She tries so hard to give us a good life an we take it for granted. I always whinge about how she cant do anything for me because she always gets sick but then I think from her position and I feel so bad. She does the best she can do in her situation.<br />So I went to Bondi and afri and I then home and off to the beach to meet up with danielle and gabby because we were going to a concert to see little birdy and the butterfly effect and grinspoon. While we were at the bus stop we saw some girls that gabby and danielle were friends with. They were drunk off their heads. I feel sorry for people like that. They get drunk every friday and saturday or whatever. They have to do that to enjoy themselve. I dont think its that enjoyable. Like when I get drink I dont actually find it fun. It doesnt interest me that much. My friends on the other hand have great fun doing it which makes me feel a little left out maybe. Although I guess thats what you get for hanging with people older then you...<br />The concert was fun. There were so many hot guys there although they all seemed stuck up. you know those people that know their hot. well anyways I went home and was so tired after waiting at the bus stop for what seemed like ages. I watched some chasers and then went to bed. <br />Today I woke up had a shower and got dressed. Asked my mum to drop me at afris which she did willingly(sp?). We walked to the beach and got the bus. we got off at our stop but we were runnig late so we half walked half ran to church and in the end we actually got there on time. Afri saw the guy she liked. we went in and listened to the service then we hung around for a bit then went to bindi junction to get somthing to eat. I ate maccas but now Im not eating unhealthily anymore. Today someone told me I was putting on weight, like getting fat and they wernt joking either. so no more junk food for me. I went home and then went with my mum to her friends house. I then really wanted to go to my dads so my mum called him and he said yes. Its comforting to be here just chilling with my dad. I miss him, and I feel sorry for him. He doesnt think that we like him but I do, I love him. and I think I might come spend more time with him. I think he could do with some company. <br />Anyways thats enough of my ranting. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupcake_freak:1237 2007-09-04T06:54:07Z 2007-09-04T06:54:07Z well today I went to school. <br />Last night I stayed up trying to get my speech and poster done for my english thing that was due today. which was kinda a waste of time because I didnt end up doing it anyways because all the nerds went first and we ran out of time. Jelana's poster was srsly like 2 metres long filled with pictures which made me feel rather inaequate. and her speech and even toms were so much better then mine is so tonight I have to fix up my speech and start/finish my history assignment and finish my drama mask which as due like 4 weeks ago because all of this stuff is due tomorrow and thursday but i cant do any of it on wedensday because I have the bbq and stuff to do and kel is pressuring me about having a go on the computer which will make it all rushed. Plus my history thing has to be extra good because my history teacher hates me and thinks that Im raaly bad at history so I have to show him that Im not or he'll mae like an example or something of it.<br />well thats my rant.<br />I'm going to stop now and go do some work. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:cupcake_freak:845 2007-09-03T06:10:28Z 2007-09-03T06:10:28Z Well Gabby and Georgia told me to start updating this so here goes.<br />well right now I'm supposed to be doing my english assignment on power but I am so stuck. I've gone blank. I can't think of what to write and its due tomorrow! <br />Well today I stayed home because my legs hurt from exo day. <br />Right now I'm eating a pack of biscuits which arn't even that good but I think I'm probably gonna finish the pack.<br />All I can think about is this fucking speech and how I'm not going to get it done so now I'm worrying. I hate worrying. It makes me feel sick.<br />Well thats pretty much it.